How Going A Month Without Blogging Brought Me Closer To My Truth & Why Being Shit Scared is A Good Thing
So, it’s been a while. Yep, I think you’re destined to drop the ball as soon as you publicly announce you’re holding it. As you know, I’m a fiend for blogs – for all the amazing things they do for your business, your reputation and your following. I committed myself to weekly blogs and I held on pretty tight there… and then I moved my clinic, expanded beyond what I anticipated and several Sundays in a row were filled with other jobs to do… then I experienced what it was like to have a Sunday off, when I was travelling to attend my mentoring Mastermind. Wow, it felt good. I realised, as I lay in my hotel room, some mindless show (who am I kidding, it was the Office) playing in the background, I was exhausted. So exhausted, in fact, that the thought of what was awaiting me (remember… the expanded business) no longer excited me. It felt tiring.
As business owners, we all feel this at some point. It seems to me that some of us just like to hit our head against the same wall over and over before we admit it’s not fun. That’s me.
Last year, I hit burn out after a similar series of events. I’d moved my very, very small business into a very small office, come down with tonsillitis for the first time in 20 years and my first coldsore of my life. I then worked back to back days, seeing 12-15 people a day, trying to keep on top of what stock I needed, what bills were due… oh, and the name of the person sitting in front of me. I remember having tension headaches all day every day, never having a moment for a lunch break (totally self inflicted!), and getting home at some ridiculous hour of the night just to fall in a heap in the bath tub, wondering how I’d muster the strength to do it all tomorrow. The funny thing is, so many people told me to stop and I didn’t listen. I didn’t even really recognise what I was doing to my body. I just thought, “This is business”. And, that’s total bullshit.
Was I able to really serve my clients in that state? Not for much longer.
Was I able to set an example of the core beliefs and values that emanated outwards from me and into my business in that state? No.
Was I feeling like a total fraud during that time? Hell yes.
I look back at that time of my life and think, never again. I had the most exponential week in takings that week – around 7K – and you know what I remember? Wishing it never happened! That ain't livin’, Barry. That’s riding a bike that’s too big for you, trying to tell everyone you’re doing fine as you lose your bearings. I sit here and write this blog in front of an ocean lapping the shore, on a big pillow and blanket with a cup of tea (proof supplied!)… why? Because I realised that the reason I started a business was because I wanted the freedom to make every day blissful, and I look at how I can integrate that into every day NOW… not after I’ve made a million dollars or had that holiday or finished that to-do list.
I am my business, and I refuse to destroy myself in the process of making my mark.
Any business that’s here to last has to think about the long-term, not the short-term. And, if you’re a business owner living short-term habits, you’ve got to expect for it to bite you in the butt eventually.
So, back to my point. A month ago, I was in the process of moving into a commercial space that is in alignment with my long-term vision. The effort to do this was beyond what I anticipated, and after the move followed by back to back travelling, events and meetings (oh, and a birthday in between)… I stopped blogging. Not because I don’t love blogging… but because I just couldn’t sit here and give you any inspiring food for thought whilst I had chocolate ice-cream dribbled down my shirt because it was the only thing giving me energy to keep going at 10PM. I gave commitments that usually give me much joy a break, because I had to… for my own sanity… and to stay in alignment with the version of me that refuses to go through burnout again. And, that version of me is the ONLY version that can handle the expanded version of my life, as it unfolds, day to day. I’m not apologising for that – I’m living by example. No one cares if you miss a blog (or three...or five).
But, wait... I learnt more!
In searching for the habits and traits of this version of myself that keeps all those balls in the air without skipping a beat, I realised something. Something that goes hand in hand with the don’t-choose-burnout-over-graceful-growth lesson; being shit scared (momentarily) is one of the best things possible for your business.
How did I come to that conclusion? Well, I realised that with all of these balls in the air, and the fact that I actively wanted MORE balls as well, the version of me that doesn’t drop them has someone else watching. Someone else that not only wants to see you succeed, juggling all the balls you care to, with ease and grace… but someone that wants to help you do that.
In every single area of expansion that you and your business goes through, fear jumps in (and this blog is a great lesson in why you can’t let fear steer the ship). I believe that embracing fear is the only way to truly evolve past it. Fear is just your ego saying, "Hey, shit… this is unknown territory and I’m freaking out, just wanted to let you know by giving you crippling anxiety and thoughts about how all of this could end worse than you’d ever imagined." You know what I have learnt to say to myself as I feel this fear creep in? YES. Thank you! I have finally reached the edge of my comfort zone, and as I embrace the courage to step past it, I grow beyond who I am today… and this is my true purpose.
My latest fear was hiring a receptionist. I have never had an employee before, and I had a lot to learn around being an employer. Fear came up to me so frequently over those weeks and said, "Oh my goddess, Emily, you are expanding your realm of responsibility to include someone else… can you handle that? Here’s a list of reasons why this could end badly – just wanted to let you know I’ve thought about them and they’re all terrible." And, I said, thank you, Ego - but, if I don’t embrace this small level of fear and gracefully move past it, then I will drop more balls than I’d ever want to – and that is not long-term thinking and not long-term acting.
You see, there’s always a transition period… in any level of growth, personal or professional. There’s a transition period where things feel wonky and weird and it’s during this time that it’s easiest to snap back to old habits because they’re comfortable – and all we want in this world is comfort… because we mistake it for security. But, your comfort zone is not always secure… in fact, for many people, your comfort zone is what is holding you back from everything you desire to achieve.
It takes someone special – someone with courage and bravery – to feel that wonky weirdness and go... Fuck it, I am going to be okay. And, eventually, everything catches up and it starts to feel normal. If you have a long-term vision for a long-term business with long-term impact and you are currently behaving like you are going to be here for only another two good years (yes, I'm talking to you, reading this blog at 11PM)… I encourage you to look at where you can expand your behaviour to be more in alignment with your long-term vision. And, when you take that action, KEEP GOING... because being shit scared is a good thing. Move past it. You’ve got this. In fact, you've got literally no other option if you want to truly make your mark on this world. Be the light that doesn't burn out.